The Strength of Youth

Yesterday when I posted the blog about Gabi's birthday, I mentioned aging and how our age seems to relate to other things not just the number assigned to our time here on the earth. Physically, I feel the age creeping up on me--the aches and pains, knees that are getting worse and worse, fingers that can't do all the handwork that I used to do (it still gets done, but those joints just ain't what they used to be), and a mind that keeps having more and more senior moments (as my dad calls them). Journals are my sounding board. I am old fashioned, I guess, and still keep a written journal. Blogging seems to be the new journal; but I must admit I love reading blogs especially those related to my family.

Sometimes I go back and read journals from when I was younger, when I had the stamina of an 18 year old and moved like the Energizer Bunny. And, I kept going, and going, and going. As I go back and think of our life when we were younger and five children were at home, I realize the truthfulness and brilliance of our Heavenly Father's Plan. Without a doubt, I know there is a Heavenly Mother. And, I do know she had much to do about how our lives would play out as mothers in Zion. I think Heavenly Mother told Heavenly Father to give us, as mothers, extra strength. Strength to carry on emotionally, physically and spiritually no matter what happens in our lives. How did Emma Smith hold on through all of her trials? And all of those pioneer women-Mary Fielding Smith crossing the plains without a husband and overcoming all of her trials on the way to make it to the Valley--how did she do it? Personally, I think her testimony of the gospel gave her the strength to keep on going (spiritually), the love she had for her husband who was now on the other side of the veil and the love she had for her children (emotionally) and the strength she had (physically) was a gift given to her by the Lord to be able to endure what she had to get done.

Except for 18 months of our married life, Eric and I have lived away from family. As I look back on the things that we have had to endure for the past 36 years and especially as a mother enduring what we did, I know without a doubt in my mind that there were angels provided by our Heavenly Father that gave me the strength I needed in all areas of my life to get done what had to get done. I gave birth to five children, one of them 10,000 miles away from home without my mom. I know it killed her emotionally as much as it did me. And when Maren was born, our fifth baby, my mom and dad had retired and were moving into their retirement house the same time Maren was born. This was an important time in my parents' life, something they had worked hard for all of their lives, and that is where they belonged. We made it through. As I think back on all the modern technology we have today and compare having a baby to those that had babies at home or out on the plains, we are spoiled or I guess I should say blessed.

When we lost our 6th baby, it was the most horrible moment of my life. Yes, that baby only had 17 weeks to form, but she had every part of her physical body that she needed. Because of my testimony, I had the strength to know that this was all she needed and now she is back with our Heavenly Father waiting for the rest of us to get there. The strength of my testimony was the help I needed to get through this time of my life.

Throughout the years, I have had nine surgeries. During this time, there were 5 little ones at home. Of course, through the years they got a little older and a little easier to handle during surgery times. But, again, we had to do it on our own. There were no moms there to help, no sisters (all of them live long distances away, too), we just had to make it through the best we could. Again, Heavenly Mother knew that moms needed extra physical strength and endurance to persevere and make it through whatever physical obstacles came our way.

Now, I am enduring other things, things that can't be physically touched. They are emotional problems, things that break your heart and wear out your emotional being to no end. You wonder how many tears a mom can actually cry. Again I believe that Heavenly Mother knew that we were going to need a lot more buckets for our tears than the men would need. And she knew that our hearts were going to need special attention, because they would be stabbed over and over again with emotional trials that could wear out and kill a normal heart.

I remember something that I read about Sister Kimball. Someone had asked her how she did everything she did when her husband was gone so much of the time and she was left with all of the children to take care of; and how did she manage to do that plus go Visiting Teaching each month, fulfill callings, take care of the sick, travel sometimes with her husband, etc., etc. Her answer was that we all have seasons in our lives. At the age she was asked this question (in her 70's), she said that when she was younger she was able to do and handle so much more than she could do physically now at the age of 70. We have to step back and look at what season we are living in.

As I look back, I realize that when I was a young mother, that was a special season of my life. It was a season of physical strength and endurance to be able to get everything done no matter what obstacles stood in my way. I had spiritual strength at the time, but emotional strength seems to be my season now. Heavenly Father's plan is a marvelous thing, something that is truly a miracle. Everything we see, everything we touch, everything we are is based on that Plan. You young mothers, enjoy your little ones, they grow up fast. Enjoy the physical strength you have to do amazing things, when you are older sometimes you have to fight for that physical strength. And keep your testimonies so strong, that you can endure anything. I promise you, life gets harder and harder as you get older and older. Things don't get better. Your trials just come in different packages.

We can't go back in time, there is no time traveling. We are in the here and now doing what we have to do for ourselves so that we can be strong enough to endure what is put in front of us. Working on our own strengths and independence is not a selfish thing. Those two things are necessities in life; and if you want to make it through, then start working. You are your own best self. Make the best of it, make the best of whatever you are going through at the moment and you will see miracles happen.

I was going to apologize for my sermon, but I am not going to. What I have written is truly the testimony of my life and the blessings from our Heavenly Father and Mother of physical, emotional and spiritual strength.